On Sunday, November 22, Liam turns 13. This magnificent creature that I have the honor to mother is passing from boyhood into adolescence and manhood.
So many of us now are hybrids. In between. With that comes freedom. But also the loss of a sense of connection to something bigger and that can contain us in a comforting way. Like a parent’s embrace. The rituals that marked passage and grounded and gathered communities are fading away. I believe that acknowledging and celebrating the milestones in our lives is important and can help us transition and accept change. The public aspect matters — bringing together witnesses and supporters.
I’ve not been so good about organizing a bar mitzvah. Plus somehow it did not seem to fit — we’re not religious and it only speaks to part of his identity. It’s on the back burner. So my gift for Liam is the creation of a ritual. A rite of passage befitting a French-Canadian/Israeli/American boy. Here’s how it goes:
- Everyone selects a book that has deep significance for them and that they want to share with someone who is beginning their transition into adulthood. Any book. It does not have to be new (maybe better if it’s not). It can be complicated or obscure. Whatever. You decide.
- Inside the cover of the book each person writes an explanation of why the book was significant for them and why they chose to give it. And, of course, their name and the date.
- We all come together to celebrate. People in turn present their gift to Liam, explaining why they selected the book.
- Liam has a chance to speak if he likes.
- Food, drink, revelry, ridiculousness.
Books, learning, ideas, debate, and sharing are deeply important to me. They have formed me. I hope this ritual creates a special library that Liam can bump up against and dig through for years to come. A place to discover: fingers over covers and pages, smell, the curves of the letters, the wor(l)ds within. I also hope that Liam has the sense of being guided — that others took the time to share something intimate and meaningful to his journey.
I’ve told Liam it’s a big surprise. Now I find out if he reads my blog ;)
November 20th, 2009 at 11:42 am
I so love the rite of passage you’ve organized Chris! Its a modern mix of intellect and affection. Right on! I’m going to have a think about the book I want to give Liam…and then you have to come get it here in Rio! Miss you. Send my love to Liam and give him a huge huge hug from me and Woody. XXOO
November 20th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
That’s a lovely ritual, thanks for sharing. My oldest son will be hitting 15 soon (blimey) and it seems like every teenage year is a milestone worthy of some kind of rite.
Good luck to you and Liam on the journey.
November 23rd, 2009 at 9:40 pm
Check your mail — should be there in a few days.
December 31st, 2009 at 12:41 pm
This turned out so lovely. Liam was thrilled. And Chris found a name for it: The Book Mitzvah. Brilliant.
January 5th, 2010 at 1:45 am
What a fantastic idea & such a loving, thoughtful gift! (And a great name.) I’d love to know what books people chose to give him.
January 8th, 2010 at 11:44 pm
Hello — I found your blog as I was researching books to give to MY boy as part of a rite of passage celebration. Would you mind sharing with me what some of the books were? I’m collecting spiritual writings (bible, tao te ching, etc) but am also interested in all kinds of books that stay with a person, in a life-shaping way.
Thanks so much –
Lauren Thompson
January 11th, 2010 at 10:39 pm
Hi Lauren — You’re not the only person who’s asked. I’ll start compiling the list. Ohhhh… so much to do ;)